My Journey: Don’t Squander the Season

      I have needed to write about all of this for a while, but honestly I’ve been avoiding it. I keep thinking that if I just wait a few more days or a few more weeks then I will have something more concrete to share with people. And so I’ve sat staring at a blank word document and the tiny blinking cursor just waiting for the right words…
 
      I have been in such a strange season lately. For the past year things have been speeding forward under the favor of the Lord. Blessing upon blessing upon blessing. It’s been ridiculously miraculous and I’ve loved every minute of it. And suddenly I find myself feeling so restrained and held back in every area of my life.
      I was telling one of my best friends recently that I feel like a racehorse in the moments before a big race begins. That moment when they are ready to run, but the gate is still not open.
 
      Almost weekly I am receiving emails with people asking me how they can give toward the Abide foster home. Yes, I want to begin raising money for the house. However, I’m still waiting for approval for my non-profit. When I talk to the IRS, they just tell me that they are behind in processing 501c3 paperwork and I’ll have to wait for an indeterminate amount of time. I have no more information than that. Just wait.
      This isn’t the only area where I feel restrained. My heart, my spirit, and my dreams just feel held back.
       I sat in my car one afternoon last month driving through mountain highways of North Carolina asking the Lord, “Why? Why am I being restrained? Why are things on hold? Am I missing something that You’re trying to do in me in the waiting?” The only thing that I could hear from the Lord is this simple truth: Sometimes your holding patterns aren’t about you.
       Ok, so it’s not about me. But there is something that the Lord is doing overall in His Kingdom. I just need to wait until the appropriate moment to be unleashed. And so I wait.
 
       Then I get back to Nicaragua and spend my first day traveling to Managua for my residency, which should have been ready March 25^th. I arrive there April 19^th only to be told, “It’s not ready yet. You’ll have to come back in a couple weeks.” I ask if there are any problems with my application or anything that I need to do. The only answer I’m given: “No, there’s no problem. You just need to wait.” Again, just wait. No reason. No explanation. Just wait. Wait for the appropriate time. Just wait.
 
      I’d like to say that I’ve been waiting with complete faith and peace. I wish I could say that, but I can’t. I’ve wrestled a lot with the waiting. I’ve wrestled with wanting to return to the crazy favor. I’ve wrestled with wondering if God is moving in the stalling as much as He is moving in the rushing forward.  The Lord warned me in December that 2013 would be a year of perseverance. He gave me this verse for the year:

 
       And yet still I’ve wrestled and wondered. I’ve fought to hold unto my confidence and to persevere in all that the Lord has spoken over me when there is nothing practical or physical that I can do to move this process forward.
 
       Recently I was listening to a sermon from Summit Church in Raleigh and the pastor said, “Don’t squander the blessing of one season because you’re longing for the next.” This truth struck my heart so deeply. Yes, my heart is longing for things that are still on the way. I’m longing for family. I’m longing to be a foster mom. I’m longing to see these long-term dreams become a present reality. And honestly my heart is SO ready to be unleashed to run in the fullness of all that the Lord has for me. I know with my whole heart that I’m ready to walk with the Lord into this next season. I’m longing for it. And it’s ok to be in this longing place. However, I don’t want to squander this present season because my heart is longing for the next.
 
        I am in a really beautiful season right now. I have a job that I love with all of my heart. I am a part of a ministry that is building up the Kingdom. Right now my only responsibilities are to this ministry and my loves here. My heart is not divided the way that it will inevitably be divided when family and foster children enter my world. I know that this season of an undivided heart won’t last forever. And once I enter the new season there is no going back. So, I want to drink up every ounce of beauty that this season holds for as long as it lasts. I’m committing not to squander this lovely season just because I find my heart longing for the next.
 
 
*Note about Abide: The Abide foster home is still coming. Wall construction has been finished. I’m now working with a welder who is putting up the security bars on the wall. I will start raising money for the home as soon as Abide receives our non-profit approval. Our bank account is open and website is ready to be launched (although we're waiting until we are able to fundraise to launch the website). As soon as we have approval, we will begin fundraising. I’m still hoping to build during the next dry season which will be the end of 2013 or beginning of 2014. Please pray that we receive this IRS approval soon so that we are able to move forward. In the meantime, check out this video that explains my heart behind Abide.