closure.

If you haven’t read the first part of this story, read drowning before beginning this blog post.

   Yesterday morning I woke from a dead sleep as Diego was pounding on my door. He brought the news that I was both praying for and dreading. Anthony’s body had been found. His dad and a few others who had came to help search discovered his body on an island near Corinto this morning (nearly 48 hours after he was pulled out to sea).
   Fifteen minutes later I was standing in front of the church with all the youth. We loaded into the truck and headed to the beach to retrieve his body. There was so much more peace than I had expected. Of course the entire situation is still so hard, but it was so grace-filled. I’m thankful that he was found- that the waiting and wondering didn’t drag on for weeks or indefinitely. I’m thankful that the youth did not find his body. I’m even thankful that his dad was able to find him. Anthony and his dad haven’t had much of a relationship and as people were talking with him this week they could see how much guilt he felt over missing the opportunity to know his son; I think that there was so much grace in his being able to be there for his son in death in a way that he hadn’t been in life. I’m thankful that this closure is opening the doors to healing for our youth.
   The body was recovered, retrieved from the beach, already covered and sealed before the youth arrived (praise God!), returned to Candelaria, and buried yesterday afternoon. For me, the funeral was actually easier than I had anticipated. I was so thankful to have this closure that it really gave me some peace. However, it was heart-breaking to see the intense mourning. My heart broke as I saw Emerson literally throw himself on the coffin sobbing hysterically and screaming. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched Anthony’s best friends helping to shovel dirt on top of the coffin. We mourned and cried, but there was peace. The youth (both in the truck and at the funeral) sang out worship songs in the midst of their hurt. The Pastors spoke about Anthony’s abundant life with the Lord. Right before they lowered the coffin into the ground they talked about Anthony stepping into LIFE and everyone shouted out “Anthony vive” (Anthony lives). I love seeing them grasp the truth of eternity.

   Yes, closure brings peace and opens the door to healing, but the pain and mourning still remain. I still covet your prayers. Many of you are asking for specific prayer requests so I will be including a few.
1. Pray for Anthony’s family. They are heartbroken. Pray for comfort and that this situation will open the door for them to come into relationship with the Lord.
2. Pray for Andres, Abel, and Marvin (Gato). They are Anthony’s best friends and are hurting immensely. Each one is dealing with it in their own way; but they are struggling.

  In the past couple of days I have seen Abel really seeking after the Lord. Grieving yes, but worshipping in the midst of it all. He has wept and screamed and worshipped. He is struggling with such a wide range of emotions, but is leaning on the Lord through them. Gato doesn’t show his emotion as freely as Abel, but he has cried on my shoulder more times than I can count in the last couple of days. Pray that he will mourn and find comfort. Andres has been Anthony’s best friend for years, but they haven’t been speaking for months (since they got into a fight over something one of them said in mid-October). I was so grateful to find out from Andres that Anthony had come to him on Friday and started talking to him again. Andres is so closed off with his emotions. I sought him out to see how he was doing. He would barely talk, but I could see how much he is hurting. Pray that he will actually open his heart, express his pain, and receive healing from the Lord. Andres has been walking away from the Lord for several months now; pray that this will open the door for him to return to the Lord. Pray that I can comfort him as I know that he is really hurting, but won’t show that to anyone. Pray for healing.
3. Pray for Emerson. Emerson is the youth who tried to save Anthony. Emerson pulled two other youth out of the currents and saved their lives before getting caught in the riptides and waves himself. He was drowning and still reaching out to save his friend. He actually had a hold of Anthony’s hand before another wave came and pulled Anthony out of his reach. Emerson came so close to losing his own life; he was pulled out of the water floating face down and foaming at the mouth. Despite his heroic efforts that saved two lives, Emerson has been battling a lot of feelings of guilt for not being able to save Anthony. I watched as he fell on his knees weeping and screaming out for Anthony to forgive him as we mourned together Wednesday night. Yesterday at the funeral and since then the Lord has been speaking to Emerson through several different people and he is really beginning to grasp the truth that it’s not his fault and that the Lord saved him for a purpose. Please pray against the enemy’s attacks and that the Lord’s truth will resonate deeply in his heart.
4. Pray for our staff. It’s difficult to mourn and to continue to pour out and help others to grieve. Pray for strength and wisdom to minister to these youth.

5. Pray for me. Those of you who know me well know that while I love all of my kids here, I am especially close to Anthony. I am hurting more than I can explain. I continue to walk through this with the Lord and with all of my youth here, but it’s so hard. I’m really struggling to keep it together. I feel as though there is an ocean of sadness just welling up threatening to spill out pretty much all the time. I am having a lot of difficulty finding the time I need to process and grieve in the midst of all the mourning that is going on here. Pray for me. Pray that I will be able to grieve, process, and get alone with the Lord. I am so grateful that my best friend Steph is flying in tonight just to be with me while I grieve. The Lord is good. This is the hardest thing I’ve experienced, but I trust that He is good. “All of my life in every season I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship. And I will bring praise, I will bring praise. No weapon forged against me shall remain. I will rejoice. I will declare, God is my victory and He is here!” ~Desert Song, Hillsong