They Call me Mama.

    I am realizing more and more each day what a beautiful gift and enormous responsibility this name, mama, carries. When she throws her arms around my waist and I see this lovely face calling up to me, saying, “Hola mama” or “Le quiero hasta al cielo!” (I love you to the heavens!); there is so much joy and beauty in becoming a mom to someone who desperately needs one.
 
    I love my two girls so much and I thank the Lord for connecting my heart with theirs (read: Lives Intertwined by the Holy Spirit,  Shattered Lives & Redeeming Love and The Beauty of Today). And yet…
 
     Often times I find myself overwhelmed by the weight of this name, mama. I am learning more and more each day all that it will require becoming a mom to broken, hurting children.
     I am not a full-time mom to them yet, but now that my girls are here in Candelaria, I have been with them mostly every day. My relationship with them is growing and deepening. I absolutely adore them! The girls have begun to tell me a little bit about their life with their mom. I can see them beginning to cut all ties with their mom in their hearts. This past week Jessica had been telling me something about living in Santa Matilde with her mom and then said, “but not anymore. Now, YOU are our mom!”
 
     More and more, they aren’t seeing me as a second mom, but as their only mom. And now I am left with the responsibility of walking hand-in-hand with them through the murky waters of healing and forgiveness.
 
     I can understand why the girls have rejected any relationship with their mother. She’s an alcoholic. She neglected them. She didn’t protect them as they were being abused. She signed them away as though they didn’t matter at all. She didn’t want them. So, I can comprehend why they now want nothing to do with her. I can understand when little Jessica confesses, “I don’t love my mom anymore.”
     While I can understand their hearts, I do not want them to grow up with hatred and bitterness toward their mother. I know that will only destroy them from the inside out. 
    
     The battle rages inside of my heart trying to figure out what is the best response in this situation. I do not want them to live with hatred toward their mother, but neither do I want them to hold on to the expectation or hope that she will become the mother that they desire her to be. I have already seen too many of my precious kids here devastated repeatedly as they cling to the hope that this time their parents will come through. 
   I am entering into new territory and often feel like I have no idea what to do next. It's definitely pushing me more into the Father's heart as I seek how to walk with them down the road toward healing. 

   The questions remain: How do I love my girls well in this situation? What is the best response? How do I become a good mama? How do I help my beautiful girls become loving, forgiving, whole, restored women of God?  Jesus, give me wisdom.