I have discovered in the past week that being in Candelaria long-term will look very different than being there for one month during a revival period. Life with these teenagers will not always be extravagant transformations, salvations, and baptism celebrations. More often than not, living and working with them will consist of slowing tearing down the walls that they have constructed to protect their hearts from further hurt and disappointment.
I absolutely loved being back in the village this past week, but, because I have been gone for more than a year, I spent the majority of my time tearing down walls that time and distance have built between us. Teenagers are difficult to reach anyway because they are constantly concerned with being accepted and looking cool. When you are working with hurting teens, kids for whom life has taught them to expect abandonment and disappointment, the task of reaching their hearts becomes infinitely more difficult. It is not something that you can do for a week. It takes a real commitment to walk alongside them.
Hanging out with Anthony & Andres (August 2008)
Last year I was closer to Andres and Anthony than probably anyone else in the village. They were my constant companions playing games, sitting together, and really sharing about their lives and struggles. I love them like my little brothers!
My first day back in Candelaria I was so excited to see my brothers, to give them huge hugs, and let them know how much I loved and missed them. I had been searching for them without success. Shortly before the evening’s church service, I came out of my room and saw them sitting on the couch with their friends working on the computer. I was SO excited! My face lit up as I waved and said “Hola!” They both gave me the cool � head nod and went back to work.
Although I was disappointed with this reunion, I couldn’t be upset with Andres and Anthony because they are 15 year old boys and traditionally 15 year old boys are punks and are always going to act way too cool when they’re around their friends. So I continued reaching out to them with little or no reciprocation and I waited…
Spending time with Andres and Anthony my last night in the village (October 2009)
It took several days of head nods and one-word answers before I saw the first glimpses of their hearts behind the super cool facades.
These boys are best friends, but they are so different. With Anthony these moments of transparency came quickly and dramatically anytime his friends weren’t present. I remember one night sitting in the house hanging out with several of the teenagers. Anthony was there, but hadn’t said more than two words to me all night. I was about to leave to eat dinner so the other teenagers left the house. As soon as they left, Anthony sat down right beside of me, grabbed my hand, and said, “Lisa. I’ve missed you so much! I’m so glad that you’re here. I have missed you so much. I have so many things I want to tell you about my life, about my family, about school…” Then he proceeded to share all the things that have been going on in his life in the past year. Of course when his friends returned to the house, he stopped mid-sentence and said, “Don’t you need to go eat dinner.” I knew his moment of unguarded honesty was over and I would have to continue with the one-word answers until the next time he was ready to share.
Andres was even more difficult to reach than Anthony. Andres has had a traumatic year and was determined not to open up at all. He did come and hug me about an hour after our initial meeting, but he still refused to say more to me than hello. My first several days in the village, I barely saw Andres. Finally, five days into my week long trip, I had a few hours alone with him. Andres still wouldn’t talk about anything in his life. He just continued to ask about my year, to listen to my stories, and browse through pictures. Since I couldn’t get him to talk, I settled for just sitting and telling stories, asking questions I knew he wouldn’t answer, playing hand slapping games that made my hands hurt for days after my return home, and kept reminding him that I loved him and he could talk to me anytime. It breaks my heart that he hardly smiles and has become so stand-off-ish.
On my last day in the village, Andres celebrated his 15th birthday. My mission that day was to make sure that he
knew that he is special and loved. I know he lives in a home where it was likely that no one would even acknowledge his birthday. So I woke up early, made him breakfast, and showed up at his house just to wish him a happy birthday. As soon as he saw me standing in the yard with breakfast smiling and saying, “Feliz Cumpleanos!”, his walls came crashing down for just a couple of seconds. His eyes betrayed a deep joy at being noticed, remembered, and loved. He immediately threw his arms around my waist. This unrestrained happiness only lasted a few seconds before the controlled fa�ade was back in place. However there was a brief moment where he allowed himself to hope. This moment showed me that, despite his best efforts to hide it, Andres doesn’t want to shut everyone out. I know it’s going to take much more time and effort to get past all of the walls that he has built to protect himself after all the hurts of this past year, but I know that he hasn’t given up hope completely. That was enough for me this week.
*Please help me to get back to Candelaria and minister among these teenagers who are huge punks, but whom I love with all my heart!
Good words, Lisa. Keep loving those kids!! Love you, friend!