Protecting Innocence

   A little over a year ago a woman walked into my house with tears welling up in her eyes. She said that she needed someone to talk to. As she began to share, she just fell into my arms sobbing. “He raped me… They were supposed to be taking care of me and he molested me over and over again. My mom was gone. If she had been there this never would have happened. I won’t let that happen to my girls.” Nidia just lay in my embrace trembling and weeping. It was the first time that she had talked about her childhood trauma. 
    Nidia’s mom was forced to leave for Costa Rica to seek work when Nidia was only 11 years old. During the time that her mom was out of the country, Nidia was sexually abused by one of the family members that was supposed to be caring for her. She still carries so much scarring in her heart from her childhood abuse.
   She fought to maintain her daughters’ innocence. She was determined to do everything possible to protect them from enduring the same fate (Nidia pictured above right with her two daughters, Gissell age 10 and Chela age 2- February 2011). She has worked tirelessly to provide for her children and to help them preserve their childhood innocence. She refused to leave them. She worked 10-12 hour shifts of hard manual labor for only $2.50 a day desperately trying to stay with her daughters. 

   Then the time came when her fears became reality…

   She could no longer provide for her children here in Nicaragua. She would have to seek work in Costa Rica. It’s a decision that no parent should have to make. The dilemma of remaining with your children, but not being able to meet their basic needs or leaving them behind while you work to put food on the table.

    Nidia rode her bike to the property earlier this month. Once again she came seeking me out with tears welling up in her eyes. “Lisa, I’m leaving. I’m going to work in Costa Rica.” I stood in stunned silence. My mind flashed back to our conversation a year earlier. I knew what a difficult decision this was for Nidia. I knew that if she was leaving, she had exhausted every other possibility.
   “Lisa can you check in on Gissell for me while I’m gone. She really loves you and trusts you, you know?”

    Nidia is worried about leaving her daughters with someone else. She worries about their safety. She knows that Gissell struggled with anorexia last year. Gissell has been seeing a counselor and is doing so much better, but Nidia is worried that she will relapse when her mom is out of the country. She hates the idea of being away from her girls, but she has run out of other options. And so she left.

    However, she is still a mom who is fighting to protect her daughters’ innocence. I promised to check in on Gissell while she was gone.

   I’ve met with Gissell a couple times just talking and praying with her. Last week I invited her to spend the afternoon with me after Sunday school. We spent the entire day together. We walked hand in hand through all of Chichigalpa. We talked about life, school, her family, her fears, and her dreams. We walked and talked for hours. Then we ate ice cream. As we were eating our sundaes dripping with chocolate, I asked Gissell if she had a boyfriend. She glanced up from her ice cream wide-eyed and started to laugh, “No Lisa! I’m way too young for that.” Her laugh was beautiful. It was so childish and innocent. 
    In a nation where I have seen girls married as young as 12, where sexual abuse abounds, and where teenagers are often taking on the responsibilities of raising children, it was beautiful to see her just acting like a child. My heart sat in the peace of the moment.

    Her mom has worked so hard to allow her children to be children for as long as they can. Now I’m filling in as a surrogate momma while Nidia is out of the country. Gissell and I spend every Sunday afternoon together. We laugh, dance, play games, eat huge ice cream sundaes, we walk through town, we talk about everything, and we pray together. I know that she’s safe in her home. She knows if something happens that she has a place to come. And she gets to just be an 11-year old girl.