I have been thinking a lot lately about the Kingdom of God and what it really means to walk in the way of the cross. Of course there is a big difference in thinking through these things and actually learning to live them out...

    Thursday I
found out that someone (most likely someone within my group of youth) has

been
gossiping about me. I was particularly upset because they were telling Rosita
(one of the girls I love and am discipling) that I didn't care about her,
didn't like her, and was talking about her behind her back. It frustrates me
that someone is spreading lies about me, but it breaks my heart to see my kids
hurt by those lies.

     In
the midst of this frustration, I have to pause to celebrate a seemingly small
(but really huge) victory. Rosita and Andres (one of my other precious youth),
both heard this rumor and immediately came to me to ask if it was true. This
may not sound like a big deal to you, but trust me it's displaying huge growth
and maturity. Usually rumors spread through the community like wildfire and
people become angry and hurt without ever asking the person if this is actually
true. I was so proud of the two of them for coming to me directly and asking
me. I assured them both that it was not true.

I also asked them, "Have you
ever heard me talk badly about anyone behind their back?"

"No."

"Never?"

"No. Never."

"Then you can believe me when I tell you now
that I didn't talk about Rosita behind her back. Rosita, I love you and I
wouldn't say that. You also know that I don't talk about people behind their
backs. If I have a problem with you, I will come and talk to you face-to-face."

     They thought about what I said and they both believed
me over the gossip. It is
a huge step to see this open communication with my youth, but my heart and mind
were still thinking for the two that came to me, talked to me, and believed me
how many more are there that will just believe and spread the rumor? Honestly
it's incredibly frustrating to spend months pouring out love only to have those
relationships jeopardized by people who want to sow discord.

     I
was feeling really frustrated, angry, and hurt that night. Of course God always
knows what I need before I do and I just so happened to already have a skype
date scheduled with my best friend Steph in Cambodia. As I talked to her about
the situation she really called me back to a Godly perspective: to really see
the bigness of these seemingly small victories, to continue to walk in grace
& truth, and to remember that this is all a plan of the enemy to destroy
the work that the Lord is doing here in Candelaria.

    The next morning I was sitting in the Lord's presence trying to get His perspective on all of this so that I would have some more grace and love in regards to the whole situation. The Lord reminded me that His Kingdom spreads in small acts of love and that the way of the cross is self-sacrifice and love. In my heart I was mad and wanted to confront whoever started the rumor, but the Lord was asking me to lay down my rights (again). He was asking me to lay down my right to defend myself, to allow Him to defend me, and to keep walking in His love and truth allowing my life to silence any lies that come against me.

   It seems as though the Lord is always asking me to lay down my rights, to trust Him in deeper ways, and to follow His footsteps and walk in the way of His cross. I'm not going to lie; it's not easy. I usually don't want to do it, but the Lord is teaching me the power that can be found in love. And more than I want to defend myself, I want to see gossip and discord broken in this community. So here we go...