My Journey: Relentless Joy

"I know there is poor and hideous suffering, and I've seen the hungry and the guns that go to war. I have lived pain, and my life can tell: I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks for early light dappled through leaves and the heavy perfume of wild roses in early July and the song of crickets on humid nights and the rivers that run and the stars that rise and the rain that falls and all the good things that a good God gives. Why would the world need more anger, more outrage? How does it save the world to reject unabashed joy when it is joy that saves us? Rejecting joy to stand in solidarity with the suffering doesn't rescue the suffering. The converse does. The brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful and all things true, even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring fullest Light to all the world. When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into our broken skin and deep crevices, life grows. How can this not be the best thing for the world?" -Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

    There are days when life here is so intense. My heart gets worn down sometimes with the constant barrage of abuse and death. There are days when it makes my spirit weary. And then add on top of that my own heart's choice to look and to see through lenses of discontentment. I love my life here. I love it so much that my heart wants to explode in an outpouring of joy. But still it's not everything that I expected it to be. It's not everything that I've longed for. In every day in every moment I have the choice. I have the decision to focus on the beauty and joy that surrounds me or to look at everything that my heart still desires that is not present. 

      Recently I have found my heart and my prayers focusing on all the things that are still in the not yet. I needed a change of vision. I needed a refocusing of my heart. This readjusting started stirring in my heart on Sunday night. I was walking through the dirt roads on my way to Nuevo Amanecer. I looked up and the sky burst forth in the fullness of God's glory. The sun was setting behind San Cristobal, the largest volcano in Nicaragua. It was a moment of pure majesty. One of those moments where the beauty of the Lord stops you in your tracks and the entire world stands still and you can't help but see JOY.  I couldn't help but think, "I absolutely love living here! This life is more beautiful than I ever could have imagined!"  Nothing else matters.  My heart wasn't overwhelmed by the hurts and my sight wasn't consumed by the not yets. It was eclipsed by the glory of the Lord. I gazed upon His beauty and could see nothing else.

   I want to live in this type of joy. I am not talking about a joy that naively ignores the hurts of a dying and broken world. I'm talking about a strong relentless joy that can look into the eyes of a dying man, hold a sobbing rape victim, that can hear the cries of a hungry child, and be surrounded by brokenness day after day and still find the face of my Father. I want the joy that tenaciously believes in good gifts from a good Father, that trusts His heart in the midst of heartbreak.

   It's all a matter of perspective. "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." -Colossians 3:1-4   I can choose where I fix my eyes. I can decide if my eyes are searching for the face and joy and grace of my Father or if I'm allowing my eyes to settle on the brokenness. And so I'm fixing my eyes upon my Father and Him alone. He is the source of Joy and Life.

"Isn't it here? The wonder? Why do I spend so much of my living hours struggling to see it? Do we truly stumble so blind that we must be affronted with blinding magnificence for our blurry soul-sight to recognize grandeur? The very same magnificence cascades over our everyday here. Who has time or eyes to notice?… I longed for more life, for more holy joy. As long as thanks is possible, then joy is possible. The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy piercing ache of now…"

-Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

Lord give me eyes to see!