My Journey: Mark 9

"Lord I do believe," he exclaimed. "Help me overcome my unbelief." -Mark 9:24

   A sick child in need of healing. A father's heart cries out. A struggle to believe. I have found myself today sitting with these words and my heart understands this father's cry in a deeper way than ever before… 

    I found out Thursday night that my sweet little Lydia most likely has leukemia. She has been in and out of hospitals for the past couple of months with no answers. As tests narrow down possible illnesses, leukemia is looking like the most likely culprit. I heard the news and my heart broke, but the reality didn't fully set in until the next morning as I was riding my bike down to the mission base. As I biked past my precious Jayson's house, tears just began to stream down my cheeks. The reality of Lydia's situation slammed into my heart like a ton of bricks. I know what a leukemia diagnosis usually means in this nation. I've been down this road before… 

    But I also know my God. I know that He is a God who heals. He is the God of the miraculous. The God who brings life where there once was death and calls things that are not as though they were. And with all my heart, I want to believe in the Lord's healing for Lydia, but right now I can't see past Jayson's death. Even still, over two years later, whenever I think of him I see a split screen in my head of his lively, jingling laughter as he runs into my arms and him lying in that hospital bed, days before his death, all the life and joy drained from him. We buried him 9 days after his sixth birthday. 

    I think about my beautiful, joy-filled Lydia. I think of the life that her smile brings. I think of her joy, laughter, and love. My heart aches to even think about watching that life and joy slip away from her. I cannot bear the thought of watching another child that I love so dearly silently slip away. I love her so much. I love her entire family. I know that I will walk with them through this entire process, but today my heart is breaking more than I know how to express. 

   I want to believe in the Lord's healing for Lydia. I want to be able to pray with faith and hold onto hope to see her healed, but right now my heart can't see past Jayson's death. I feel like this father, "Lord I do believe. Help me overcome my unbelief!" 

   Pray for Lydia. Pray for healing. Pray for comfort for her precious family. Pray for wisdom for the doctors treating her. Pray for us as we love, grieve, and fight alongside Lydia and her family.