My Journey: First Fruits of Spring

   In my last My Journey blog post, I talked about how I knew that the Lord was ushering me into a new season as His words to me began to change (to read the full story, read My Journey: Ushering in a New Season). In the weeks since that post, I have begun to see the first fruits of this new season as HE swings doors wide open.

   The long winter has past. Spring is beginning to bloom. The season of singing has come and I cannot contain my joy! I have practically been dancing all around the last few weeks. Singing and shouting out praises. Overwhelmed with joy and gratitude for His goodness.
    The worst part about the long winter (this year-long season of continual loss and mourning) is that I just didn’t feel like myself. I felt like a muted version of myself. My heart was teeming with hurt; tears threatening to spill forth constantly. I know of no other way to describe it other than to say that I just didn’t feel like myself. For the first time in almost a year, I feel whole again; I feel completely myself. The Lord is so gracious and has even begun to open my eyes to see all of the purposefulness in the midst of the pain and loss. I am beginning to see the depth of the beauty of the work that He has been doing in my heart through every moment, through every loss. 

   This new season arrives not only with a sense of wholeness and restoration, but also with an outpouring of blessings and fulfillment of promises spoken by the Lord. It all began with a single verse: “Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.” ~Luke 1:45 My heart has believed for His promises even as they remained unseen and now I am entering into a season of fulfillment.

   For years I have had a dream to BE family for children who need to know the love of a family (To see the birth of this dream while I was still living in Atlanta, read My Kind of Family). It is my heart’s cry and greatest desire within His Kingdom. The Lord has allowed me to do that in small ways with my family-style dinner with my Atlanta students, a month at a time for orphans all around the world during the World Race, being a surrogate momma to so many of my beautiful neighbors (such as baby Junieth pictured left). However, my heart longs to care for children in more permanent ways. I long to have a family and to adopt the orphaned, abandoned, and abused into this family. To love them with the Lord’s love. To see them know their identity as beloved children. To literally become family for those who don’t have family.
    Every time I have prayed into this dream, it has felt far off; a distant dream down the road in my life. The Lord has stirred my heart to long for this family, but continually asked me to wait on Him (read My Journey: Learning to Long). Until now. In this new season, the Lord is beginning to open doors and to move in this dream.

    Suddenly the Lord has begun to connect my heart with others who share a part of this dream or who can help me move forward in it. In the last few weeks, I  met someone who has a dream for a children’s home, but on the fundraising side. I met a girl who is doing similar work in Matagalpa and has walked me through the legal processes of starting up a children’s home here in Nicaragua. I have received several emails from friends who can connect me with adoption resources or organizations that will help me build a home when I’m ready. Most excitingly, the Lord has connected Anna and I (Anna pictured right with some of my girls here in Candelaria). Anna was here visiting at the end of January and she and I have the same heart and the same spirit. While she was here, the Lord was birthing in her heart a desire to work with abused kids through medical care (a specific need I had asked the Lord for years ago in dreaming up this home). I told her about my dream. Three weeks later, she emails me telling me that she has been praying and the Lord has told her that He wants her to come and partner with me in this dream. I am so unbelievably excited to partner with Anna is this endeavor (Anna and I pictured below left). She has such a compassionate heart and longs, more than anything, to love children when they are most hopeless and hurting and to give them the unshakeable hope that only comes from Jesus. She is such a beautiful reflection of Him!
    The Lord has spoken to us separately, but our visions line up so perfectly with each of us holding a different part of the dream. (To read more of Anna’s story and how the Lord has been moving on her heart, read her blog post here: This is It!) It’s beautiful to see how the Lord is at work!! He is opening doors and He has begun to, and will continue to, raise up a team to partner together to make this dream a reality. This dream belongs to Him and I am trusting my God to provide every piece of it.

    The Lord is constantly opening my eyes to see how He has used this winter season with each of its losses to produce the fruit that is beginning to come forth now in this spring season. Let me give you one example…

    A month after Jayson’s death, I was sitting at his grave just talking to the Lord about how thankful I was for the time I had with Jayson, but how difficult it was watching him slowly die (Jayson and I pictured right playing together at the church). I was talking to the Lord about how much it broke my heart to be there in that hospital with him watching the life drain from his body. It was heartbreaking, but the I would choose it again because I loved being able to love him and his family in that process. I told the Lord that day at his grave: “After this year I know that as You meet with me, I can endure way more than I thought I could…I just want You to know that if You are asking me to keep loving the dying with all my heart, walking with them into eternity, and mourning the loss in Your loving arms then I will do it. I want to be someone who loves without reserve. Grow that in me. Even when love opens the door to deep hurt, I want to pour it out without holding back because You held nothing back when it came to loving me.” (Excerpt from my journal 2/16/12)

   The Lord was preparing my heart. He was planting in me a willingness to love children that I knew I would lose. Four days later, I was meeting with Melissa (the girl who offered to walk me through the legal processes) and found out that as a single woman in Nicaragua foster care is my only option. I cannot do adoption as a single woman.
    Foster care is the one thing I always said my heart could never handle. I didn’t think that my heart could handle the continuous loss of it. After my meeting with Melissa, I sat with the Lord asking him about the option of foster care. I believe that this is the direction that the Lord is leading. It is Him because I suddenly find myself excited about something that I never thought I could handle. I know that this is where I am supposed to begin and that through foster care the Lord will show me the children that I will be able to adopt into my family. It is still my dream to be able to literally become family for the orphaned, abandoned, and abused. The Lord gave me this dream and I know that He will fulfill it. For now, I know that foster care is the starting point. It will be my way to get my foot in the door with Mi Familia (the Nicaraguan Department of Family and Children) and through this the Lord will bring me my children. The Lord will allow me to love so many kids. Some will eventually become mine. Others I will love, give hope in Christ, and send on their way. I am confident that this is the direction that the Lord is leading me.

   I know that the first step is obtaining my Nicaraguan residency. I am hoping to file for residency late summer or early fall (after my next trip to the States in July). I need to have my residency in order to put myself in a position to allow the Lord to open more doors. Pray for favor with the government. Pray that I will be able to obtain my residency quickly. After that, I’m living surrendered to the Lord and waiting to see where and when He will open doors for the next step.
    I promise to share with you more specifics about this dream as the Lord continues to develop them. I am rejoicing in these first fruits of spring and believing that the Lord will continue to move until this dream comes to fruition.