It's been awhile since I've shared about things that I have been going on in my heart rather than in the ministry. So, here is a look into where I've been battling and how the Lord is meeting me there…
Honestly, I've been struggling a lot for the past couple of weeks. I have been fighting against strong of feelings of failure and inadequacy. I allowed myself to sit alone in that mess for over a week. Struggling against the lies, and often believing them wholeheartedly.
There are the days when I'm just starting to plan my English class on the bike ride there and I know it would have been better if I had a few hours at home to plan ahead. There are days when everyone in the house is talking and laughing while I sit in my bedroom at the computer working on sponsor communications and updates and feel like I'm not adequately participating in our home community. There are days when I see my sweet hijas faces smiling at me and feel guilty because I haven't spent as much time with them as I would like to this week. There are days when I feel like I should be meeting with each of my youth in my discipleship group weekly just to see how their hearts are doing and where they are with the Lord. There are days when I am in my literacy group in Santa Matilde thinking, "I 
know I am a much more creative teacher than this. I used to have such great, fun ideas in my classroom. I can do better than this."
We've all been there haven't we? When we feel like everything is falling through the cracks and we just aren't doing enough. If we could just do better, BE better, use our time more wisely then everything would fall into place. We could do everything as perfectly as we had envisioned it.
I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself recently. I have been feeling like I'm not doing well at anything. I feel like I'm failing. As I allowed myself to be vulnerable and share these struggles, I began to realize how ridiculous it all sounds. I know that the truth is that I'm actually working about five full-time jobs and it is never going to be possible to work five full-time jobs as well as I could do any one of them on its own. My head knows that, but sometimes my heart forgets. And on those on days when I feel constantly behind with no time to plan ahead and my kids need way more than I can give them, the lies begin to creep in that I could or should be doing better, doing more. It's hard to believe that what I'm doing and what I have to offer is enough. It's hard to believe that I'm enough.
But then the Lord reminds me that He is the God who makes our little more than enough. He is the same Jesus who takes a small child's lunch, which looks like absolutely nothing when the need is feeding more than 5,000 people, blesses it and breaks it and it becomes enough for the need plus 12 baskets full of leftovers. We serve a God who takes our lack and creates abundance. We serve a God who says Bring Me what you have and I can make it more than enough. So, I'm learning to offer up all that I have even when it seems so inadequate and insufficient and place it in His hands. I'm learning to embrace my weakness because it showcases His strength.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. -2 Corinthians 12:9
I need to trust the Lord's sufficiency, offer all that I have, and give myself some grace. We are told in Hebrews 4:16 "Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." I can come confidently before my God. He will give me grace in my time of need. He will sustain me when my heart feels overwhelmed. He will take my insufficiency and cover it with the all-sufficiency of who He is. And if I fail today, His mercies are new every morning. Fresh grace for each day. A renewed trust in His sufficiency and His power to create abundance when a willing heart offers all that they have to meet an impossible need. So, let's trust Him more and criticize ourselves less. Let's rest in His grace. Let's learn to listen to His voice and when He says give, give wholeheartedly to the God who is more than enough.
Thank you for sharing your heart. You are right in the midst of the constant “Christian life struggle”. We are never good enough and we continually forget that our God already knows that, and that He loves us enough to have already made provision for us to succeed in spite of our failure. Praise Him with all of our being!!!
Dad
Your courage to share everything that is in your heart is very powerful. I pray you continue to be a light, servant, sister, friend, a neighbor, and a leader. God called you for a task that is for the brave, the humble, and the selfless. You are an example of what christians ought to do. It is okay to acknowledge you need the Lord daily. Press on, run with endurance, and God will supply all your needs and give you the desires of your heart as well. He knows whats up. Have a blessed day !!!
Oh, Lisa. I love you so much for sharing your heart so openly. God is not looking for perfect people who can do everything. He is looking for and pleased with someone who offers themselves with a willing heart. He does the rest. You have willingly given up your life in answer to a call that few want, even though the blessings are great. When Jesus said “follow Me” you did. You are. There are no failures in God’s eyes, when a life is surrendered to Him. As yours is. Don’t let the lies of the enemy take the joy away. Your kids only see your love, not perfect lessons. They see the love of Jesus in you, and what else really matters. If I was there, I would give you a big hug and tell you Jesus loves you very very much and so do i.
So encouraging! Just what I needed for today! This is great, and all your work in Nicaragua is great. May God continue to give you and everyone else there an abundance of blessings!! I hope to see you guys soon!
I’d have you on my team any day of the week!
Here’s my question: How is your team? You’ve had good team members and they’ve held your arms up before. If the team is not as strong and you’re trying to make up the difference, it is not sustainable.
Lisa,
Thanks for sharing your heart with us. It is definitely encouraging because we all face the struggles you talked about. I’m asking the Lord to send you all the help you need and I hope some of that work can be taken off your shoulders. You are such an amazing woman of God trying to do so much so others can feel loved and worthy. Your heart for people is beyond inspiring! You love and love and love and love and love some more even when you don’t feel like it. You are a walking example of love. Thank you for the way you inspire people all around the globe!
Lisa, thanks for sharing your heart and what concerns you most. I am so thankful that you realized what Jesus wants you to do. You may have to pick and choose what is important for each day. Sometimes we forget our creativity and let it slide. Find a couple things to be creative about in your teaching again, each week. Remember how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! Delegating is good too!
Hugs my dear and stay strong in the Lord.
So good, friend. Love you!!