My Journey: Abundance in the Hard Places

    I have been thinking for awhile about how to write and process all the things that have been happening in my heart in this last year. I have shared what’s been happening here externally, but trying to put words to the deep internal work and shifts that have taken place has been incredibly difficult for me to do.
    Those of you who have been following my journey know what an incredibly painful year this has been. It was been a continuous barrage of hurt and loss assaulting my heart with almost a relentlessly cruelty. As I was thinking back about this past year and just talking to the Lord about it all, I realized that 9 weeks is the longest time I have gone in the entire last year without a major heartbreak. The truth is that my heart is just completely exhausted. I feel like I cannot handle one more round of loss. In fact, last month after sweet Jayson went home to be with the Lord, I sat in my room just crying and literally screaming out to the Lord, “I cannot handle anything else! My heart just really needs a reprieve.” And it’s true. My heart is really ready  and crying out for a rest from the constant heartache. I am asking the Lord to usher in a new season.

    In the midst of all of this, I have discovered that my perspective has been a bit off. For the longest time I was thinking in terms of seasons of merely being sustained and other seasons of abundance. I kept saying that I have been in a very long season of just being sustained by the Lord and was asking Him to lead me back into a season of abundance.
    However, what I have discovered is that even in the hardest of seasons there is still abundance. I no longer believe that there are seasons that contain abundance and seasons that do not. Our God is a God of abundance. Jesus says, “I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly.” (John 10:10b ASV) Everywhere that the Lord is present, life springs forth abundantly.
    In the pain of this past year, I have found a rich abundance of His goodness and mercy. In the unfaithfulness of people, I have encountered His steadfast and faithful love. In tragedy and unexpectedness, I have seen His sovereignty. I have come to place of complete dependence upon and abandonment to my faithful and loving Jesus. I have found deeper wells of His peace and presence. There is so much abundance in the parts of His heart that I have encountered in this year and the way that He has taught me to trust Him in the deepest places of my heart.

   Recently I was listening to a sermon by Graham Cooke on manifestation and hiddenness. He was talking about seasons of seeing the Lord manifest His glory and presence: this is a time of feeling surrounded by the Lord, hearing His voice, experiencing His anointing, receiving vision for the future, accelerated growth, miracles and His favor abound. He also talks about seasons of hiddenness: a time where we don’t see the Lord the way that we normally see and experience Him, a time of learning to live by faith and not by sight, developing inner confidence in God, practicing stillness, removing external vision in order to develop eternal perspective.
    I think this is a much more accurate description than seasons of sustaining and seasons of abundance. There are times when the Lords glory just seems to be exploding around me and there are times when He is drawing me into the depths of who He is. I can see different parts of His heart and His character in each of those times. Each of these season, both manifestation and hiddenness, are overflowing with His goodness.

   The Lord invites to taste of His goodness, to drink in the richness of His presence in every season of our lives. He is present and He is good. There is abundance, even in the hard places. And I am thankful for all the heartache of this past year for it is that pain that led me deeper into my Father’s heart. I have found Him in a new and deeper way this year.

Stay tuned for Part 2: Ushering in a New Season