My Journey: Letting Go

   The past two weeks have been really hard for me personally. A big part of that was saying goodbye to Andres as he prepared to move to Costa Rica to live with his mom (Andres and I pictured- 4:00 a.m. just moments before he boarded the bus for Costa Rica). We live in a very transient area. Children and teenagers come and go often. Sometimes they return. Sometimes they don’t. I expect kids to move and things to change. Yet this particular one is excruciatingly hard for my heart. To properly explain why, I have to turn the clock back 3 years…

   I was in Candelaria for the first time along with my World Race team. We were running a discipleship group for teenagers. We were seeing the Lord move in their lives. My heart was being completely captured! There were two little 13 year old boys who really found their way into my heart: Andres and Anthony (pictured left in August 2008). It is because of them- because of their risk in sharing their hearts with me, seeing the Lord’s love bring healing to their lives, and seeing His glory displayed as they came to Him- that really caused me to literally beg the Lord to send me back to Candelaria. If it weren’t for these two boys, I don’t think that I would be here with New Song today.  (To read some of their stories, read: Raising Up Powerful Men, Reaching Past the Facades, The Birth of Dreams, Remembering Anthony, Ripples of FREEDOM– just to name a few)
 
  So, now here I am three years later, and I have just lost both of them from my life within 5 months time. And the truth is that it hurts. A lot. I’m struggling to let them go; to let go of my ideas of what my life here would be like. Granted, I know that I am here for so much more than just Andres and Anthony and since then the Lord has placed so many other people in my heart. However, my heart still wants them to be here with me. I want to be a part of their everyday life. Losing them hurts.

  I’m going to expose a part of my heart by sharing with you all a letter that I wrote to Anthony in my journal shortly after his death because the words have been on my heart a lot recently. Here is the letter:

   Thank you Anthony. Thank you for your love and your friendship, for really being my little brother. Thank you for the first time of opening your heart to us- of taking that huge risk. You captured my heart and helped to lead me here. I am forever grateful. I will keep going- keep loving- keep discipling because while it was really you and Andres who led me here I know that God has so much more for me. You opened my heart, but there are more hearts like yours- hidden, broken, and in need of awakening. I will keep going because I long to see so many more become what you are and had become. I am so proud of who you are. I am so proud of YOU. I love you so much more than my words could ever express. I miss you everyday- seriously day and I don’t think that will ever stop until I see you again in eternity. Brace yourself when you see me coming because I am going to straight up sprint to give you the biggest hug ever!! I love you so much!!!

   So, pray for me as I am letting go of my boys. Pray for Andres that the Lord will draw him to Himself. Pray for his relationship with his mom. Pray that he will fall in love with the Lord there in Costa Rica.