On Tuesday morning a group of youth and families from our church decided to go to the beach to celebrate for Holy Week. Tuesdays are our off days on the property so we were actually traveling in another part of Nicaragua with the World Race group that is here working with us. Several of the youth went out swimming and while they were in the water they were pulled out by strong currents and stuck in the waves. None of the kids are really strong swimmers. A few of them were about to drown and others were desperately trying to reach them; many of them getting sucked into these same currents themselves. So now you have drowning kids desperately trying to save other drowning kids. There were a total of 8 youth who almost lost their lives. Some were pulled out by youth. Some were pulled out by random people. Some were thrown back to the shore by

giant waves that the Lord Himself sent. But Anthony was swept out to sea.

   When we received the call that Anthony had drown, I couldn't believe it was real. I just started repeating silently "God. no. no. no. God no." over and over as I slowly slid down to the ground. I just sat there in complete shock until Barb came and wrapped her arms around me. Then came the tears. Then came the uncontrollable sobs. I vacillated between sobbing, screaming out in anger, and the complete inability to breath. I literally cried until I made myself sick and began throwing up from the back of the truck as we raced down the road towards the beach.

   We arrived at the beach and I just sprinted towards my kids. I embraced them. We just held each other and cried and hurt together. I ran from person to person just holding them, telling them how much I loved them, listening as they cried out in anguish as they tried to explain what had happened, and mostly just sat together in our pain.  
   The youth had watched as Anthony was pulled out beyond their reach. One of our youth, Emerson, actually had grabbed Anthony's hand at one point trying to pull him back in, but the current was too strong and just pulled him out even farther beyond their reach. For another moment after that, they could still see him struggling against the waves. Then another wave came pushing him under and they all lost sight of him. It's now been close to 40 hours and his body still hasn't been recovered.

   Our youth are completely devastated. I long to comfort them with the Lord's comfort, but the truth is that I'm barely holding myself together. My heart is so completely broken right now. Anthony is my little brother. I love him more than I could ever explain. Ever since my first trip to

Nicaragua, I have thought of Anthony like my little brother. I have seen him grow and change over the past three years. (To read some of my first stories with Anthony, read Raising Up Powerful Men & Reaching Past the Facades). When I first met him, he was a kid that had no dreams and no relationship with the Lord, and I saw him transformed. I saw him baptized. I saw him begin to dream. I saw him believe the Lord's promises in Jeremiah 29:11 (the verse I had spoken over him in my first time here). I saw him really begin to walk with the Lord in real ways. I spoke truth over him. I hugged him. I comforted him and gave him advice when he had problems with his family, school, or friends. I laughed at him about his crush on the girl that works at the food stand at the park. I battled for him in prayer and called him out when he side-stepped the Lord's path. I loved him like he was my own brother.   

  I've listened again and again as the kids have recounted what happened that day. It was literally kids who were drowning attempting to save others who were drowning. That's how I feel emotionally. I sat there tonight in a room full of kids grieving, surrounded by more hurt

than I have ever seen in one place. And it felt like drowning. It felt like drowning in a sea of sadness and hurt. And I feel like one drowning person trying to save another; trying to hold them up to catch their breath while the reality is that I can't keep my own head above water.
   I feel so helpless. I feel like I have nothing to offer these kids who are hurting so much.  I have no answers for all their questions about why this happened. I can't give them closure while the search continues. I just feel like I have no way to help them while I've barely made it an hour in the last two days without breaking down into tears again. How does one drowning person go about trying to save another?

   The only thing I can ask for is for your prayers. Pray for us. Pray for closure. Pray for Anthony's family. Pray for the youth. Pray against feelings of guilt that they could have or should have done more. Pray for me.
   I promise to update everyone again when I know more. I know several of you have emailed  asking me to call you. We are trying to call and update people as much as we can, but please understand that we are hurting personally, continuing to search for Anthony, and facing a sea of mourning here among the youth. I'll get in touch with people more personally as I have time.

To read more of this story, read closure.